|
Lighting the following cigarette, she hoped that together with a tobacco smoke her pain will leave in a window leaf, and emptiness will be filled by a blues. She had a drink in hope that this intoxicating liquid will stifle ideas about him, pulsing in a head, and transforming a migraine in infernal cross. Borders between a sunlight and late night were erased, she even had no time to understand how all this have happened.
He just lodged at her head and reminded of his existence every second, not hesitating of that he elementary prevents to live to the person.
Whatever the girl do, ideas, own thoughts gave no rest. She lived the whole life with him, she knows everything about him. But he … he even does not suspect that on the other end of the city, every night someone asks the God about him, wish all was good with him, wish he was happy, that on the other end of the city, someone worry for him more than for herself.
She is sick of him. And she regrets that this illness has neither end, nor beginning … it just exists. And any headache medicine does not rescue her. She lives with an idea of him. She carries this idea in her heart, in herself. She is this idea.
Everything was erased and changed outlines too quickly; she had no time to get used. Time has lost sense. There is no time. There is a Pain. There is He. There is she. There is nothing more.
And now she writes about it, in hope that maybe on a paper all becomes clearer..
But on a paper the pain just found the outlines … in some points, not strange letters, words, sentences, but it did not become less because of it …
Because she is this love, a pain, care, fear, an intrusive idea. Essence is in Her. It is her essence - love to him. Because without love she can't live.
How could she know, that all will be so? How could she know, that this person becomes her essence, how could she know, that in him exactly has hidden her true love?
She became a vessel for love.
She cannot share it with anybody. She carries it in herself. And even with him she cannot share, because he will not understand. He will be frightened. He did not got used, he does not know it. He just elementary cannot understand. He will laugh - the protection, the first protection against fear is laughter.
Live, a pain, because you are a life too. Live love, because you are essence. Be happy, my darling because I need it, you hear?
|
